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MENDOCINO STORIES EVENTS
In performance at the Mendocino Hotel May 11, 2007
Tribute to Bonnie Sanger
by Pattie DeMatteo
This evening’s performance is dedicated to Bonnie Sanger & the great influence she had on many lives, including mine and many others here tonight. We are honoring our dear friend who passed away September 25th last year.
For many years, since the seventies, Bonnie was a very impressive figure in our area, a big woman with an incredible story in the lines on her face. I remember seeing her once, at a performance at Crown Hall in Mendocino, and being struck by herface, with all those deep lines. I told her how beautiful her face was to me. She responded, in that deep bass voice of hers, “Oh really?”
Several ago, she was recommended to me for acupressure treatments. Living just a short walk up the road from her, I walked down the magical driveway to her healing trailer. The way the view of the Comptche valley opened up as I walked up her steps set my spirit free and loosened up my chattering mind. I immediately felt at home, with my true mom, safe in letting out all my secrets.
At one point early on in our friendship, she confided in me that there were three things she wanted to do before she died. One of them was to publish her book. Immediately, in my undying devotion, I said I would help her make it happen. From her typewritten pages, I created a Word document and printed it out for her to edit and update.
She wanted it to look like a journal so I printed it up in different shapes until we found the right one – 6-3/4 by 7-1/2. I printed up several copies so she could give them to a few friends and get some feedback. As powerful as she was, she was still a little nervous about what some of her friends would think about this particular part of her life, with Grandmother Redwood.
Bonnie carefully chose the recycled paper she wanted, the fonts and the cover with gold embossing. The book has turned out beautifully. Even though she never got to see the finished book, she was at peace for having accomplished one of her great desires. She left the books with me to sell, and split the proceeds with her three grandsons.
Now before Bonnie decided to have her book published, I suggested using a web page for exposure because she wanted it to be available to anyone who could benefit from its teaching. I talked to my twin, James Maxwell, and he said, “Let’s do it!” and the Mendocino Stories website was born. Bonnie’s was the first page. Max, artist, writer, and poet, embraced the project as webmaster and magician. He has brought his great talents and enthusiasm to the mix. And so we have created mendocinostories.com.
Bonnie didn’t know anything about the internet at the time, never having owned a computer. She was in awe when she saw her web page printed up and said, “Oh Pattie, you just don’t know where this is going to go.” She was so right. This humble beginning has blossomed and grown into an online community of creative Mendocino energy.
Now, as I mentioned earlier this evening, I went to Bonnie for acupressure treatments on Saturday afternoons. She told me we were really treating each other. She thrived on our deep personal confessions. We’d catch up on the previous week, bitching and bragging, and throw in a few of our life stories. Sometimes I’d bring my guitar and sing a few songs I’d been working on. She loved to follow the progress as I claimed the song as my own.
After we released all of that energy, we got down to the work of moving energy through the blocks in my body. She had been practicing her healing art for 25 years, having studied with Barbara Birchard. First reading my pulses and remarking with mmm’s and aahs, she’d identify the meridians she was going to work on. This is where I completely trusted Bonnie’s expertise of intuitive healing.
In the rough weather, we’d work inside in her little trailer with the electric heater on. But in the summer, we’d worked on her deck in the shade, with a cool coastal breeze coming up the Comptche valley. Outside her little fenced yard was the field where Ferdinand the bull came to spend the afternoons. This is where Ferdinand learned dog tricks from Kit and Carol’s dog – like tipping over a plastic chair with his nose.
Well, you know, she always found her way to the absolutely most painful points. Any of you who have had acupressure treatments know exactly what I’m talking about. This is how it goes: right here, the place right behind my knee – she’d go right to it and DIG right in. I’d moan “oooh nooo” and she’d remark “mmm-m, you’ve got a lot of anger to release today,” or “You are really grieving today.” Then she’d let up a little bit, take it easy on me. She’d start in again, slower. And there I am wondering, “Why didn’t she just start like that??” When it came to acupressure, she had no mercy, I swear.
After she hit the hot spots, I would get into a dreamy state and even fall into the most blissful kind of light sleep. Oh, I loved that. And in that state I was in some kind of subconscious school, learning some deep complete truths about myself, letting go of painful realizations and continuing on my path of growing into a better person.
Well, I wrote a song inspired by those deep learning experiences and I have to tell you that both Bonnie & I loved sarcasm. It is a composition that grew along with me, with phrases picked up over the course of treatments and lazy conversations on her deck. I’d go home & write down the list of ideas and the lyrics grew out of these ideas – the fact that there are many types of people; that some people feel that complaining doesn’t do any good; that we have the choice to enjoy each moment. There’s a line for Bonnie to let go of guilt, because she told me, having been raised a Catholic, that was one of three things she still had to do before she died. I included a line from Antonia’s mom, Marion, who was a great friend of Bonnie’s, “The fool and the wise woman each take a turn.” The line “The hardest thing in life is letting go” refers to many things, including the acupressure treatments and Bonnie’s dying.
I’d like to invite Antonia Lamb to join me in the song, “Only Human”
I see Bonnie as the instigator of Mendocinostories.com. She inspired our goal, “stories from the heart of the writer, poet, painter, photographer, musician – amateur or professional – eloquent – empowering – sincere, deeply felt and personal – not hurtful or negative – condoning no violence, ill will power trips or politics”.
This is a very exciting project that Bonnie has left for me and Max. There are many of us who have been here since the seventies, but have lost touch. Here we can catch up online. Also, here is a place for new and part-time residents to have the opportunity to present themselves to the community.
Thanks to Riantee Rand’s added participation, we see that Mendocino Stories has organically evolved into live performances, of readings, story telling and music, graciously hosted by the Mendocino Hotel. Since the first event in January, “The Seagull Years”, our gatherings have been lots of fun.
As Bonnie & I became completely at ease with each other, she confided in me that she had decided to die. She was ready to move on, her body was giving out. She gave us all 2 or 3 years notice. I watched her slowly descend. She became very thin and frail, literally skin and bones, even though she ate all the ice cream she wanted. Always, she had gratitude in her huge heart and a strong love for her dear ones. Especially for her grandsons and the teenagers who came by to visit and help her out regularly by taking out the trash or sweeping the deck. Those kids were very important to her.
During this process, Bonnie & I got much closer and I basked in her love, talking to her frequently. She answered the phone & said, “Hello dearie” and I said, “That’s what my dad used to call me.” She loved to read, loved her movies and her music, so we shared lots of novels, DVDs, and CDs. Now, when I read a great book or see an inspiring movie, I still think about how much fun it would be to share it with her.
Bonnie was so gracious in dying. One day she had asked me to buy a recorder so she could leave her message to all the people she loved in her life. Unfortunately by the time I returned with the recorder, she was beyond talking. Her message to you was, “Tell everyone how wonderful they have been in my life and how much I love them.”
You know, in the beginning, I was able to accept her decision to die as a logical conclusion to a life well lived. But as she began to fade, I began to grieve deeply. “The hardest thing in life is letting go” had a new meaning for me. Then I heard this song, recorded by a women’s group called The Duhks. This song, “When Death Came Knocking”, settled my heart, so I could see death as a natural completion of a great life, and that she was on her way to the next adventure.
Pattie DeMatteo
5/11/07
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